I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
