Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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