You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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