Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
