I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
