she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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