Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
