took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
