All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize