apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
