I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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