If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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