the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
