he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
