you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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