i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
