Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
