In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
