Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
