i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
