whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So vagazzling was a success
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
