In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
