the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
