Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
