well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
