Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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