I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
