That's when you crack a 10am beer
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
