rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
