maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Pants are for mortals
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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