just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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