well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
