She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
