Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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