Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
