Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
