Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
