need another drink. this is the easiest way
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
