So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
