if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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