The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
