i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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