Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
