So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
drinking out of a sandbucket again
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
