just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
