Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
