I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
