u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
