Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
