I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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