Already got asked if we're dating
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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