The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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