You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
