Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
