i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
