Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
