worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
