I faked an abortion last night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
