I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
