when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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