We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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