Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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