ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize