He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
