question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
