Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
