I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
