Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
