great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
