I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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