You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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