I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
