i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
