i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
