A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize