The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
