That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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