she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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