Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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