that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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