Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
