If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
