"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
