i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
