Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Bring me that man meat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
