I am puke
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
