he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
