Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
