actually, I'm a sock model
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
