Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
