I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
