did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
