It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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